Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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