I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
