Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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