it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
