so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
