I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
