Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
