I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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