Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize