JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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