I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
