First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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