it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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