Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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