I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
