she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Life is so much better after having sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
