AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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