Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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