Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Of course I have a pirate flag
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
