Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
