i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
