Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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