if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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