I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
