Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
