So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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