I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
