I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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