The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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