did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
