Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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