**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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