wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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