I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
