Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
