**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
