Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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