she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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