you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
