Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
