Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
