I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
