I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize