Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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