PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
