break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
