Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize