I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
