I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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