Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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