if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
