Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
