OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
