The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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