I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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