So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
