I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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