I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
