Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
