ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
