But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
