Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
