she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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