I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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