I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
