On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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