I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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