I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
