The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
