I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
