I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
