You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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